I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
