I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
