Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
