I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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