i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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