God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
