I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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