Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
