she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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