I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
