it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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