when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize