yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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