That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
