Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
