There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
a search helicopter?!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
