Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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