I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
