I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
