Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
