Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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