Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
