White coat. Heels.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
