I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
