you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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