My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
