so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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