Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
