woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
