They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
