Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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