Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
