Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
COCAINE IS GR8
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
