I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
