Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
