bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Terrible idea I love it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
