Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
