I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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