I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How does it feel to date your dad?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
