i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
