Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
