We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
