she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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