Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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