I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
