I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
