took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
