How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
