Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Of course I have a pirate flag
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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