did you get engaged???
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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