And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.