Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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