She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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