Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
