people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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