I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
