it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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