my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i will never coherently bang her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
