when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
