you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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