Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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