today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
