i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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