im having a threesome with these popsicles
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Text me some of your sweat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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