Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
third nipple confirmed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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