that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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