new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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