i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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