I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
