you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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