walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
tell me about the fingering
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