I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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